All I wanted was a normal family life, if there was such a thing. To find someone who loved me for being me and shared my dream of a family. I wanted children to shower them in love and to receive it back equally and unconditionally. A happy family unit.
Not much to ask for really is it?
Growing up you quickly realise how hard life can be but I don't think that we really know exactly how much until something major happens. Be it money worries or the loss of a loved one, it can really knock us for six.
With me, it was the loss of my first born son, James. I had been told by my GP when I was younger, that I was a borderline depressive but it wasn't until 5 years after the loss of my son that I was diagnosed as Manic Depressive. The loss of my son had tipped me over the edge and I went undiagnosed for 5 years and I'd have to say that those 5 years of my life was the worst I have ever had to go through. I knew something was wrong with me but thought I could cope and be like everyone else. Wrong!
I knew I couldn't go on any longer the way I was and finally asked for help, too little, too late in some cases. I went for counselling for my loss, which I feel helped me more for my depression then any of the medication that I took. I also gave up my job to move away from my home town. A bit drastic? Possibly but I feel that it helped me to become a person in my own right and see something beyond my dreams.
I realised that a career could also be on the cards for me as well as a family. Not just a 9 to 5 job to pay the bills to get by, but something that I could actually enjoy...
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